I'm lost without you
by whitemiracle
Summary: What does Izaya Orihara do when he's bored? He goes to Ikebukuro, of course, to look for Shizuo and provoke him into a fight. But his plan collapses when he learns that Shizuo's severely injured. He pays him a visit at Shinra's place and realizes what their constant fighting really means to him.


It was a quiet and boring autumn evening in Shinjuku. Izaya Orihara was reading some documents about a client of his, resting his legs on his desk.

A second later, he looked at the screen of his cell phone lying next to his leg. No texts, no emails, no phone calls.

"How boring", he sighed and stood up.

Izaya put on his black coat and left his office.

Everything seemed to be so calm in Tokyo. Not only in Shinjuku, but in Ikebukuro as well. It was a bit worrisome, but that had never bothered him. Still, he had a bad feeling about the whole thing.

He was just about to drop by Simon's sushi bar, when he spotted the headlights of a rather familiar motorbike.

The motorbike stopped as Izaya stepped in front of it. There were about two inches between the wheel of the bike and Izaya's feet. He smirked at his own reflection in the yellow helmet's black Plexiglas.

"Hello, Celty", he greeted the famous Black Rider.

The Rider took off his cell phone and typed rapidly.

**I'm sorry, Izaya, I don't have time for you right now. I'm in a hurry.**

"Hurry?" he echoed. "What for? Shinra can't go to bed without you telling him a bedside story?"

**You're so funny. I had to buy him some disinfectant. He's running out of it.**

"Is he planning to open a hospital in that hole of his?", Izaya raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

**You're talking about my home, you know.**

"Forgive me", he apologized insincerely. "By the way, have you seen Shizu-chan around? I'm kinda bored tonight."

Celty seemed to be hesitating. But before Izaya could have asked why she hadn't answered him right away, she showed him the screen of her cell.

**He's the one who needs the disinfectant right away. He was knifed all over his body. I don't even know if…**

Celty didn't finish the sentence, but Izaya knew what she thought of. He felt a small cramp in his stomach, but he was sure it was just because he was hungry.

**Anyway, I gotta go now. See you later.**

Celty didn't wait for Izaya to say anything. She started the bike and in a flash, she disappeared.

Izaya glanced after her. So Shizu-chan is injured. What a bittersweet feeling that was. It was bitter, because Izaya seemed to be left without a playmate that evening. And it was sweet, because knowing that Shizuo Heiwajima, the person he hated, even though he was fond of the human race, was lying in a bed, probably unconscious, with severe wounds on his body was the best he could have ever heard about that man.

No.

That was just bad.

He sat on a bench nearby. His mind was a mess. He took his knife off the pocket of his trousers and looked at the shiny silver blade. That knife meant the connection between him and Shizuo. That was the knife he had always wanted to kill Shizuo with ever since he first met him.

He touched the blade with his thumb. It was still sharp. He wouldn't have minded if it went blunt from tearing Shizuo's mere flesh. But someone had got the opportunity to stab him before Izaya. Someone killed Shizuo and it wasn't him!

How annoying.

Izaya didn't realize his thumb was bleeding until he heard a drop of blood landing on the pavement.

Wait, what exactly did Celty say? Shizuo still needed the disinfectant. That meant he was still alive. So if he'd gone there… If he had rushed to Shinra's place…

He had no time to waste, so he was running all the way to Shinra and Celty's flat. Even so, he got there an hour after he had talked to Celty. He didn't want to encounter either Shinra or Celty, so he cautiously climbed up to the balcony of the apartment.

The lights were off in the house. Izaya stopped on the balcony, bending down, panting. After he had got himself together, he held his head up and opened the lock on the glass door with his knife. He knew where Shinra accommodated Shizuo: in Celty's old bedroom. Izaya lay there a few times as well after some of their fights with Shizuo.

He stepped to the bedroom silently. If Shinra and Celty woke up to something, he wanted it to be Shizu-chan's painful scream.

The only light source in the dark bedroom was the street light outside the window. Illuminated by that, an infusion stand stood next to the single bed. Izaya stepped in and closed the door behind him.

Shizuo lay on his back. Izaya wanted to gave the sleeping brute a gloating smirk, but he couldn't and that made him worried. All he could do was standing next to the bed with his knife in his right hand, staring down at Shizuo's sweaty locks of blonde hair sticking to his forehead and his fire-red cheeks. He had never seen Shizuo being so weak and helpless. He didn't even know if he was asleep or unconscious.

"What happened to you, Shizu-chan?"

Izaya's voice was soft and quiet. He didn't control it, he couldn't. He didn't understand himself. His heart wasn't beating fast as he had always imagined it would when he comes to finally kill his mortal enemy. Instead, it was beating even slower than it should have been; making Izaya hear every beat louder than the ticking of the clock on the wall.

Izaya climbed on the bed and kneeled on top of Shizuo. The blonde man was breathing heavily under him. Izaya raised the knife. His hand was shaking.

It was shaking, god damn it! Why was it shaking?! Why was he hesitating?! He should just have stabbed Shizuo to death; he might have not even noticed it, because he was passed out!

But he couldn't. He couldn't end his life just like that. He couldn't end their common past just like that.

Izaya leant forward and pushed his forehead against Shizuo's chest. He could hear the heart under the hot skin, the ribs and between the lungs beating rapidly. It wanted to live; it wanted its owner to continue chasing the man above him.

And so did Izaya.

"Don't you dare die to me, you filthy animal!" he murmured into the blanket over Shizuo's chest.

Shizuo moaned and took a deep breath. Izaya lifted up his head and looked at Shizuo with his eyes as big as two golf balls. If he had heard it…

"I-Izaya…?"

Shizuo seemed to be too weak to fully open his eyes. He peeked from behind his eyelashes, but Izaya could see his eyes shining from the fever.

"Am… I… dreaming?" whispered Shizuo.

He was so miserable that it made Izaya feel desperate. He already regretted going there. He should never have seen Shizuo in such condition.

"Are you… crying?" Shizuo asked. His voice was deeper than usually and much more tremulous.

"I'm not", Izaya replied, wiping off the wet marks on his face.

"That's… good", Shizuo muttered. "I don't want to see you crying. Even in my dreams."

"You're talking nonsense", said Izaya. "It must be because of the fever."

Shizuo faintly shook his head and closed his eyes. His head fell on his shoulder.

"No!" Izaya cried out a bit louder than he should have. "Wake up!"

He reached out his hands and cautiously held Shizuo's head. He leant over the unconscious man and hugged him. Shizuo's whole body was burning hot.

Izaya looked around as he released Shizuo. He could see a small pill-box on the bedside table, along with a glass of water. He reached out his hand for the pills.

"Please, wake up, Shizu-chan!", he patted his face gently.

Shizuo moaned again and opened his eyes. Izaya helped him sitting up just enough that he could drink the water. He put one of the pills into Shizuo's mouth and helped him drinking the water. As soon as he had swallowed the pill, Shizuo was unconscious again. He was sweating and shaking at the same time, so Izaya laid him back, pulling the blanket higher, to cover everything but Shizuo's head.

Izaya wiped his face again, because he could feel the small teardrops on his cheeks. He had to get away from this weak man. He couldn't stand seeing him like that.

Izaya leant over Shizuo once again and pressed his lips gently on Shizuo's. They were burning the soft skin of Izaya's lips.

"Don't leave me here", he whispered, but Shizuo didn't react.

Izaya climbed off the panting Shizuo. His knife was still in his trembling hand, so he put it back into his pocket. With a last glance, he opened the bedroom door and left his miserable enemy behind. 

* * *

Yup, I know they're ooc. Especially Izaya (Shizuo's behaviour can be explained by his condition).


End file.
